this sucks. so bad. i need a vacation. i need no contact with anyone. i need a new school. new friends.  i need time away to get over you. i need to never see your face again. you proved that you don’t care. yeah i get it. but you know i cared. i cared for you so much. look how many chances i gave you. i’m sorry I’ve been so shitty. i guess its immature of me… i don’t know. why am i being like this why do i miss that feeling i would get when i would be with you. what happened to that guy over the summer?  or were you talking to other girls while talking to me… is that why we never dated cause you wanna be with as many girls as possible.. i miss being able to sit and just listening to music and talk to you. i miss looking into your eyes and seeing that you meant everything to me.. i miss you telling me to listen to a song and you would tell me what it meant. i miss watching little kid movies together. i miss saying all out memories we had. i miss playing just dance with you. i miss playing xbox with you. i miss our late night conversations. i miss telling you how i felt about you and you actually caring what i said. i miss taking you with my families houses and you meeting them. i miss going to get ice cream together. i miss our little wrestling matches.. i miss when ever i was hurting you’d be there. i miss the days when you’d come over and make me cinnamon rolls. i miss the way you’d hold me. i miss when i meant something to you. i miss being with you. i miss the way i felt about you. i miss seeing the good in you. i miss your smile. i miss your scent. i miss you being so happy about everything. i miss when you said i was your best friend more than anyone else.. i miss the silly conversations. i miss everything about you. its killing me more and more everyday that i have to move on. cause we went through so much together. i gave you everything i had. and i guess it wasn’t enough to be with you.  i’m sorry i’m not good enough for you.. its sad how you changed. 

gosh. worst day ive had in while.. your such a jerk. i honestly didnt think you were gonna go that low. clearly you proved me wrong. i thought the best of you and of course you end up showing the worst. i didnt think it would turn out like this. but telling me im immature and im loud and i act like im five and that i half retarted sorry but thats shitty of you. one day ill find that guy that will take me out and will make an effort to be with me. unlike you.. ill find that guy that will keep his word and be honest with me, and talk to me when ever theres something wrong. im just saying im done. ive said it many times before but legit this time i wanna be done with you. im sick and tired of feeling like this. so low.. feeling terrible because you called me half-retarded when im not. im smarter than half the girls you made out with. i regret kissing you or letting you be one of the people that kiss me. its sad that i gave you so many chances when i shouldnt have at all… but this is goodbye. two words FUCKYOU.

when i tell you i miss you. i mean i miss the old you. i hate the new jerk that wants to be with as many fucking girls as possible and you want to keep me on the back burner. to bad im done fucker. so fuck off..

dear boy.. 

can i ask why do you always do this to me.. why you come back and tell me that i’m perfect but your scared of commitment. why do i fall harder for you every time when i shouldn’t. i wish you could hear the way i talk to some of my friends about you. youd be surprised by how much i do like you. better yet its sad my friends know that im in love with you and yet you don’t know. And all you do is break my heart. you get my hopes up but yet you tear them down. i have such mixed emotions i don’t even know what to believe anymore. you know whats worse is that you think i’m talking to another guy when if you could see my tumblr you sure as hell would be doubting me talking to another guy. when all my tumblr is about you. every single detail… i dont know why you get to me so much. and it honestly sucks cause you seem like you dont care at all.. you tell me your feelings havent ever changed then why do you constantly leave. you leave and i just feel so stupid. i feel stupid for everytime i go back to you. everytime i think its gonna work but it doesnt. i believe all your shit. then i get more feelings. maybe my friends were right. some think i should fight for you. but honestly i want you to fight for me.. i want you to tell me you need me you wanna be with me. then i can tell you i dont know what i want then you tell me how that feels. will your heart be broken like mine is. will you feel so down on yourself you wanna give up everything you do. will you not wanna go to school cause im there. hey fuckface. do me a favor and make up your mind cause im not gonna be around forever. you know what. fuck that. fuck you. im done. 2+2+6=10. thats all bullshit.. thank you for making me feel so worthless. 

staypozitive:

• Don’t tell her, show her.
• Don’t keep her waiting, hit her up first once in a while.
• Don’t assume things by the looks of it, hear her out.
• Don’t make her feel unworthy, keep your ex relationships to yourself.
• Don’t blame her for questioning, be patient and reassure her.
• Don’t raise your voice at her, she’s already at her weakest point when you guys argue.
• Don’t beg for her back, when she finds someone else who treats her better than you can.

when i first met my best friend josi it was my freshman year at volleyball is when we first became really close friends. she ate my chicken tenders from culvers. with out me looking and i turn around and see her eating it. then i asked her if she was eating my chicken and she denied it. we have so manny memories and i can tell her everything i love her to death<3 

Then there’s marriah i met her in volleyball at school as well. but this year we became really close. we’re like the same person. for some reason we end up wearing the same clothes on the same days without planning it or anything. one day we were texting and i was telling her about my stupid love life. and i was at culvers and i was standing in line for food. and she just shows up weirdest thing ever. and we didnt even tell eachother we were going to culvers. ha but i love her with all my heart(:

something that pisses you off.

something that pisses me off when a guy your head over heels for tells you that your the perfect girl but hes scared of commitment. or better yet he wont stand up to his dad when his dad tells him to get with as many girls as possible while his in high school. something else that pisses me off when i get in trouble for something i didnt do. something else is when people are stupid and immature. or when a teacher looses my assignment or i mess up in volleyball and have a bad day.  

I looked back on us today, and I honestly don’t know why I missed you, and why I wanted you back. Sure, at the beginning we were kids rushing into things we had no idea about, but slowly, instead of trusting you more, I trusted you less, and the more I loved you, the less I loved myself. But now I’m free, and I’m not sorry. I had to get out. i knew it was over long before you said it. And I thought you broke my heart, but you merely made it stronger, more resilient. Of course I’ll never forget you, but there’s no way I’m ever going back. So goodbye, my first love. Thank you for being such a fabulous waste of time

how have you changed in the past 2 years

how have i changed in the past two years? well lets see there’s plenty of ways. one being a bettter volleyball player then i use to be no doubt. i’m faster and much stronger. two years ago i was living in my house. two years ago i was talking to the guy i’m practically in love with right now and have been even tho were not talk. my parents weren’t divorced. i wasn’t as close with my mom as i am now. i didn’t have my amazing club team that always has my back<3 two years ago i wasn’t as confident in myself as i am. lots has changed. but im okay with it.

The meaning behind my tumblr url. i mean i don’t really have a meaning behind it besides its a nickname some of my friends call me.